The first time we recognized this fact on a lunch shift, I really did have all the crazy tables. Without going into it all, here's a limited list:
- Mullet kid (mullet a la Joe Dirt)
- Crazy old ladies en masse -- at one table
- Gold-toothed, gum-smacking ghettolicious babe
It got to where I imagined the "lemme have" in my mind between each individual order, and I almost started laughing at her. And that's only part of it. Tip? 10%.
Once, after a bizarre lunch shift, I grabbed Kelly's computer to research moon phases and had correctly guessed that it was the day of the full moon.
While Monday was the full moon, the Monday shift was amazing. I made $110, where I usually struggle to sell that much. However, today was bizarre. I only had four tables, and one was normal. One!
1. Business men from Tech. ($10 on $30! My idols.)
2. My-age businessmen. Nice, but nothing special, except for one of them I recently met. Very nice, but I hope he remembers to retroactively tip me.
3. Couple with a mustachioed joiner.
4. Two ladies, Gladys and Virginia.
The couple. The woman ordered a water. He wasn't sure yet. I delivered the water, and then he asked about the beer list. (We have one on the back.) I pointed it out, he took a minute to figure it out, and I ID'ed him. (1982.) I brought the 420 to him. He was talking to the girl about what kind of wings when she picked up her phone and started talking. I said I'd be back. (Like I was going to wait on her cell phone conversation to finish to take the order. She obviously wasn't concerned, so I went back to the guests who were.) They had a female joiner; I went to greet. Normally when greeting guests, you take a drink order. The man gave me his order. When I looked over at the ladies, he told me, "They're not ready yet." Obviously. But to do my job well, I couldn't ignore the woman and had to get her drink order. So I politely placed my hand beside her and asked for her drink order. She was sweet, but I just couldn't stop staring at her mustache.
His food order. It still aggravates me. He asked for twenty tequila lime wings. When asked for blue cheese or ranch, he specified that his ranch would come on the side. He hadn't realized that I specifically wanted to have his wings tossed in ranch as well as buffalo sauce. And when I brought his correct food order, he waited a couple minutes before asking me if I really brought the right sauce.
Mustachioed food order. She couldn't grasp that we do not provide spicy brown mustard and could not, therefore, put any on her turkey sandwich. I don't know how many times I jokingly told her that if we had it, I could provide it. She still kept asking for it, as if it was funny. It wasn't.
When it came time to pay, I asked how to separate the checks, and when I returned, he had left a twenty in his place. His tab was $21.95. The ladies gathered exactly $1.95 to cover his tab, and left me $2.06 on the $12.94 they had racked up. Quick summary: Because he couldn't wait for me to print tickets, and the ladies didn't feel they should tip when their friend couldn't pay his full check, I got a 6% tip. Also, you could say to never trust the bearded woman.
Gladys and Virginia were interesting. Virginia was lovely. Her friend, Gladys, was not; had I been named Gladys, I would probably also harbor the same bitterness toward the world and take it all out on my waitress. Gladys waved and beckoned me from across the restaurant many a time, even after I was obviously in the process of walking toward her. I purposely repeat my name many a time so that I am not rudely summoned. Calling my name and nice waves will get the most genuineness from me. Gladys was just mostly a disagreeable person, and I think Virginia noticeably tried to make up for the shortcomings. Summary: Gladys $1 on $10; Virginia, $2.45 on $7.55.
Pardon my rants. I needed to purge and teach before starting the night shift.
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