New York, New York, why must your IDs look so fake? I almost fought a girl tonight over her fake ID, and you don't have enough checks and balances for foreigners to discern reality.
I took up this girl's ID because: 1. It expired in June 2008, 2. The nose was too different (and if she could afford a nose job, she could have afforded a new license), 3. It was an expired learner's permit for a 24-year-old, and 4. The chick on the ID was Indian, not black. Girl pitched a fit, but she couldn't prove it was her. Of course, I didn't want to disobey the law myself and take a real expired ID, but I still couldn't believe this girl was the same on "her ID." But not even having a debit card to prove it was her, I safely assumed it was fake. I even got Officer Byron involved to demonstrate that it was on legal grounds that I could not return her learner's permit. The girl claimed that she was driving and needed her expired license; she couldn't even provide Byron with proof of registration to match the names. But then she said she was only visiting and had flown in. She later drove away in a old, beat-up, New York-licensed car.
I put returning the ID back up to Byron; he's the officer, he's the boss. But I did stress that the girl was not the same as the picture.
Like hell an officer is going to give you your ID back if you're rude to him.
Like hell you're not getting kicked out if you call your server a bitch for confiscating your illegal identification.
Byron had managed to get the girl and her trashy friends to the door when one of these trashy friends walked back into the bar and couldn't keep three extra empty feet to herself and bumped into me while I was talking to a legal table. She obviously wasn't even tipsy, as she hadn't a drop to drink once she walked in, so I saw no reason for such an erratic step. Byron escorted them all out before I could land a punch. Benevolent as I am, I was ready for a fight by that point.
You know what she asked on her way out the door? "Can I have my ID back?"
Never was I so happy for my $25 fake ID reward.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
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