Iced Out

Let me be clear: If you have gold teeth, I will not respect you.

That's right, Mr. Ghetto McGee, from Sunday night, that includes you. He walked in with this cute, bookish girl late Sunday evening. Sitting at a back booth, she sat in a normal way. He ghetto-leaned over toward the middle of the table, and palming his phone near his chin, talked to someone. Their piles of cash was exposed on each of their sides. (Note: Display of money is usually a warning sign.) He wore a faux-fur collared coat. His vocabulary consisted of nouns and simple modifiers. He might have had the capacity for the "to be" verb, but none of its conjugates.

Needless to say, I was happy to alert Jenny of her new table.

As he left the jukebox (refer to previous posts), he passed by me, muttering "sexy," as if that would somehow sway me to catfight his sugar momma and be swept off my feet.

In case you were curious, it did not.

When they left, Jenny had no extra money on the table, just some unlabeled ID card the girl had left. While she was showing it around, I pointed out the social security number listed. It is outside of the scope of my little blog to complain about the idiocy of keeping your social security number (and address and name) on your person, and even further, to leave it on a table for your poorly-treated server to collect.

There was another guy in during the day with gold teeth. He, like many other of our patrons, has a penchant for Joy, and apparently a record of not paying his tab. He kept hugging up on Joy and Jenny, and I was glad to have a different section. I have not met many classy people with gold teeth. I just can't respect it.

Now, gold teeth. Grillz. Really? This is a trend I do not understand. Just like the "z" I see advertised. After five minutes of research, I learned that in several former Soviet territories, gold teeth are a status symbol. I will chalk that up to post-communist technology insufficiencies. However, in the US, we have plenty of technology. After a two-minute Google search of Hip Hop Dentistry and cosmetic dentistry prices, I have concluded that there is no good reason for choosing gold teeth over more natural looking false teeth. The prices are comparable per tooth, and it appears the grill is actually the price per tooth. But the grill is completely ridiculous. Why wear fake fake teeth over a perfectly fine row of teeth?

I assume gold (or platinum or diamond) teeth are also a status symbol in hip hop culture. According to the scholarly source, Wikipedia:

Murray Forman, a professor specializing in popular music and hip-hop at Northeastern University, has suggested that grills, like other bling jewelry, symbolize monetary success, which is especially important for the social underclass. He has also suggested that the attention grills draw to the mouth is reflective of the importance in vocal dexterity in the African-American community, citing the importance of West African oral storytelling traditions, African-American orators, and trash talk among basketball players.

Maybe this is because I am extremely biased, but I cannot think of a single time I looked at a grill and heard anything of vocal dexterity come from behind it. Usually I heard bastard English and improperly conjugated verbs (if I was lucky). Well, there is one exception. I do enjoy OutKast.

If I have not convinced you not to get your grill, please click here for a list of places to buy your grill in Atlanta. I believe two of those are near Underground.